I wanna reach inside of myself..throughout the muck and mire..live more with LOVE and less with FEAR ..:) have a wonderful December people and good luck to everyone who is on their way stumbling through self-discovery ! Give the world the best we have..and it may never be enough..GIVE OUR BEST anyway :)

CQN Annual Dinner 2012

Head pounding. I dragged my foot steps back to home after work. The boyfriend was attending IAG annual dinner at Batu Feringgi so I was expecting oat with milo for my quick dinner. And words can't describe the warmth I felt when I smelled the aroma of home cooked dishes once I opened the house door. The boyfriend had cooked me a dinner before he rushed to the hotel. Simple but grateful :) I am such a lucky girl :)

Happy Turning 24 :)

Thanks to my dearest family especially mommy and daddy who have always showered me with love and care. I am always the pampered youngest daughter in the family. Thanks to my dearest brothers who are always my role models to be a more successful person. Thanks to my dearest boyfriend who are always giving me the unconditional love and patience. When you have been on an amazing relationship with someone for a period of time and have spent so much time together, true to the term "significant other", that someone indeed becomes the significant part of ur life. From the habitual dates that have never fails to put a smile on me before sleep, to the unwrapping of love letter when ur special someone randomly surprises you with a gift, to the morning drive to work when you would call each other and try to decipher each other's dream, to as simple as a dare to twirl in the middle of the crowd..all these becomes the significant scenes that will define the joy in my life :) Any relationship would eventually hit patchy phase and any relationship worth keeping would prompt the process of give and take to learn and relearn how to excite each other and how to make each other happy. We are still figuring out how to make this work but give it time, I am sure we will make it work :)

I think I am a young lady who is needy. I am sad when my best friend dont whatsapp me enough. I constantly seek approval from my significant half. It seems I can not make a decision without consulting others. I feel guilty for growing up and wanting to be independent. All these relationships have turned me into some level of co-dependency which I shall name these as "addiction to love" which typically involves an imbalance in relationship..I requires most energy, attention and affection..to make myself feeling belonging and to fulfill my emotional needs. But I know I need a kind of healthier means of fulfillment.

At times I think there's sth wrong with myself and I try to change and alter my behaviors. Am I not pouring enough concern to my friends? Or am I overly hooked up with my work? I'd turned down a trip invitation from a friend of mine recently and I am really sorry about it. I am haunted with aqua phobia. My last experience at Redang island wasn't a pleasant one and I am terrified, truly. Those moments keep tangling in my mind and it keeps me puzzled. I can feel the dissapointment from my friend as well as the coldness. I try to work on the friendship but I can never control how my friend will respond.

I am sorry.

I have so much to say. Hence I'd signed in to my blog. and yet, I cant find word to speak for my mind. Because even if I'd blurted it out, its not going to help on the situation. Because I have no control over my emotional well-being. I feel ecstatic when good things happen and I feel depressed when things go wrong. Roller coaster ride. Sometimes up. Sometimes way down. and I know I need to take a change of my life.  I had been chasing a vague idea of happiness where I always mistakenly thought I'd needed sth to make my life complete. and I am truly wrong. I eventually realize that even when you get everything that's supposed to make you happy, life will still have ups and downs. If you look hard enough, you will still find reasons to be miserable..Wanting more is fine, but sometimes you need to relax and forget about it.

drown in self-pity or insecurity, which ultimately leads to giving up or simply not performing in the best way possible. oh, how negative !

tricky and unfortunately..many fail..

the cumulative effect. the key is not necessary the size of benchmark, but the frequency you'd hit it. knowledge is power, you have to keep feeding ur mind. dose of happiness? immediate confidence booster? recipe of success? that's where the charm coming from. you're getting on my nerves.

our heartfelt sympathy in this dark hour of ur sorrow. I am saddened to learn of the loss of ur beloved..RIP

snippet of happy moments

fav pic with honey =)

welcoming the little teddy to Yeoh family =)

lovely bouquet of roses for valentines =)

Beautiful pink rose for valentines eve =)

爱心夜宵by honey =)

I feel extremely sorry for myself for having such a dreadful attitude on my work. I'd been complaining and attempting to escape. That's bad, really bad. I understand that I cant plough a field by turning it over in my mind. If I dont get my attitude right, I will never go long no matter where I am. Honey, thanks for always being there when I need you :)

Have you found the calling of ur life ? Its a tough question to answer..because there's no real formula for it. Its not "if you do A, you'll find B." Its a question that requires you to look within and usually its the start of a lengthy, but fulfilling journey. Time ceases to exist or just flies. The other day I was resting on the couch finishing up my office work. I usually listen to music while I work at home and before I knew it 50 minutes had gone by and my playlist was finished. I'd entered a state of "flow" and the idea for this post actually came to me in that exact moment ! I was so caught up in what I was doing that my sense of time had become distorted. As time goes by, I can no longer distinguish between work and play. Its said that if you love what you do you'll never work a day in ur life. Because you rarely see it as work. It is more of an opportunity for learning and having fun. I will when one day I look at my work and I feel like a kid in candy store or a five year old in a tub of legos. I think that's the moment I'd probably found my calling :) I think that the 8 hour work day doesn't make any sense. 8 hours a day? lol..that's an ideal state. This structure of work has caused far too many ppl to live for the weekends. That means we are only looking forward to 2/7 of our life. I dont know about you but I want more out of life that a fraction of what's available. I'm an addict. Its just the way I'm built. When I love sth, I want it to be part of my life as much as possible. The pursuit has just amplified that addiction. I think I enjoy every of my addiction as long as they're not the kind that kill me. I dont need a reason to pursue a passion and I am inexplicably happy at the same time. and I keep my fingers on the pulse of the moments in my life that make me feel like this. Those are the signals that will let me know I've found my calling in life. Right now...am I ? lol..

 

a snapshot to capture the happy moments :)

the smile that only ur lips can show and the twinkle that can only be seen in ur eyes :) honey thanks for everything :) Despite all ur heavy work and I know you must be exhausted. Thanks for still keeping our trip on and showering me with lots of laughter and care. Very much appreciated :) Would you believe me if I tell you that I lurve you so much? actually, I'd prefer it if you wont..why? so that I can spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I do :) Pinky promise..no more laogai..xoxo~

understanding

as children many of us hyped the statement : " Sticks and stones may break my bones..but words will never hurt me. " Clearly, it doesn't take long to realize the words have far more weight than we want to realize.. To me, they influence thoughts, feelings, and states of mind.

even little words often have big meaning :) because i believe, the simplest little words, which we take for granted, have the power to hurt or heal, to inspire or discourage, to help or to hinder. I used to be shy to speak out how I feel. But honey has changed my mind. He shows me how words of gratitude make the heart sing.

So, little words for my honey Mikey

I love you and its all about you :)

little words for my family

Thank you and I appreciate !

and of course, little words for my friends

You can do it !

ps. happy chinese new year everyone ~

Dont lose hope

you never know what tomorrow will bring

No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate much faster than the capacity we have in listening per minute. So what are we actually doing with the extra space in our mind when someone else is talking? Are we really listening ? Am I listening ? Its not a fresh hot issue that I'd found myself drifting from listening to someone. In another precise word. Dreaming.

I understand the bereft feeling when someone is trying to share the most inner thought and feeling with me and not getting my full attention. I have no intention in doing that. I would have whispered my apology in ur ear :) I am sorry. and I know listening is essential for a fulfilling relationship.Just like how you'd always listened to me :) and I want our connection to deepen :)

I am writing this to say how sorry I am and I promise I'll change :)

Thanks for caring me like no one else I know. I love the way I feel in ur arms. I can explain every way that I love you because that's in possible. But I can say I love you because you are you. Just the way you are..:)

Happy 2012 everyone~ Its a wonderful magic carpet ride experiencing the whirlwind of ups and downs throughout the year. Final Year Project. Convocation. My first job. Best friend leaving. Little cute Felix to join our Teoh family :) Its like a drastic transition in a short one year.

Family, boyfie, and friends complete my fabulous 2011 :)

and I am determined for a better yeanfern in this upcoming 2012.

anyway its the time of year when goals are made and should never being abandoned a few weeks later lol. Not achieving what you set out to do means you will yet again fail to move toward the life you desire which leads to nth but regret rightttt? We are equipped. and now its time to fly. Just like a G6. Inertia can be difficult to overcome. but sth we may overlook is the influence from ppl around us.

I am greedy. I want work-life balance. Often what we believe we want is not what we want at all. New year resolution? It doesn't matter whether you set goals or not. as long as you're doing sth that makes you COME ALIVE~ I literally spend some time to think what I actually want, staying present, here and now. and let any and all thoughts pass. Dont give them meaning, and dont add to them. because I believe it is from this blank, calm state that we can begin to look at what has gone well last year, and what hasn't.

Lastly, when the going get tough, put on ur high heels and just walk ! ♥