I wanna reach inside of myself..throughout the muck and mire..live more with LOVE and less with FEAR ..:) have a wonderful December people and good luck to everyone who is on their way stumbling through self-discovery ! Give the world the best we have..and it may never be enough..GIVE OUR BEST anyway :)

CQN Annual Dinner 2012

Head pounding. I dragged my foot steps back to home after work. The boyfriend was attending IAG annual dinner at Batu Feringgi so I was expecting oat with milo for my quick dinner. And words can't describe the warmth I felt when I smelled the aroma of home cooked dishes once I opened the house door. The boyfriend had cooked me a dinner before he rushed to the hotel. Simple but grateful :) I am such a lucky girl :)

Happy Turning 24 :)

Thanks to my dearest family especially mommy and daddy who have always showered me with love and care. I am always the pampered youngest daughter in the family. Thanks to my dearest brothers who are always my role models to be a more successful person. Thanks to my dearest boyfriend who are always giving me the unconditional love and patience. When you have been on an amazing relationship with someone for a period of time and have spent so much time together, true to the term "significant other", that someone indeed becomes the significant part of ur life. From the habitual dates that have never fails to put a smile on me before sleep, to the unwrapping of love letter when ur special someone randomly surprises you with a gift, to the morning drive to work when you would call each other and try to decipher each other's dream, to as simple as a dare to twirl in the middle of the crowd..all these becomes the significant scenes that will define the joy in my life :) Any relationship would eventually hit patchy phase and any relationship worth keeping would prompt the process of give and take to learn and relearn how to excite each other and how to make each other happy. We are still figuring out how to make this work but give it time, I am sure we will make it work :)

I think I am a young lady who is needy. I am sad when my best friend dont whatsapp me enough. I constantly seek approval from my significant half. It seems I can not make a decision without consulting others. I feel guilty for growing up and wanting to be independent. All these relationships have turned me into some level of co-dependency which I shall name these as "addiction to love" which typically involves an imbalance in relationship..I requires most energy, attention and affection..to make myself feeling belonging and to fulfill my emotional needs. But I know I need a kind of healthier means of fulfillment.

At times I think there's sth wrong with myself and I try to change and alter my behaviors. Am I not pouring enough concern to my friends? Or am I overly hooked up with my work? I'd turned down a trip invitation from a friend of mine recently and I am really sorry about it. I am haunted with aqua phobia. My last experience at Redang island wasn't a pleasant one and I am terrified, truly. Those moments keep tangling in my mind and it keeps me puzzled. I can feel the dissapointment from my friend as well as the coldness. I try to work on the friendship but I can never control how my friend will respond.

I am sorry.